Apology to Huntsville (author chaoslord)

[chaoslord]

This might take the record for longest post on FF Soccer...

Hey everyone, wall of text incoming because I made a mistake. If you are just reading this thread to look at scores, you can skip this. It's also last weeks thread, ha. Currently it is week 5!

Time for a big mea culpa here on my part. I want there to be no doubts about this whole thing, so I'll start up front with yes, someone did give me a phone call about this situation where we decided that doing this here would be the right thing to do. However, I will add that I have been out of state (and honestly, right now, I'm still enjoying nice, cold Utah) since I made my mistake and have been thinking about it a good amount. It involves a post I made and while I realized my mistake later and tried to fix, it was too late. I will also say that this is something that, had I been approached about by anyone, I would have apologized to them as well. If anyone wants a more personal apology or to talk about it more, please send me a message on here or through email. It is my mistake and I'm going to own up to it. I'm not going to try to weasel out of it or anything like that. I made a big mistake.

So, now what was the mistake? It goes back to a post I made on April 1st, just about a week ago, relating to the Huntsville vs Greenbrier game. In it, I made a few comments that I should not have about the Huntsville team. Explicitly, I said that they were not happy with my foul selection, and the tone with that was not very good. I said that I thought one of the players swore at me. And I said that they had a few hot heads on the team.

Now, to give myself a moment of defense here, I definitely called more fouls giving Huntsville the ball than Greenbrier. That, I know, doesn't account for anything I missed, and the non-calls on handling (which I stand by) were the biggest sticking point. With the swearing, I was hoping I misheard it, but that is what I heard. And that upset me which caused me to make that post.

That said, my "defense" is all completely irrelevant. I was 100% wrong to make that post. It was completely unacceptable. There is no other way to say it. I let my emotions get the best of me and vented in a way that is unprofessional, which makes me upset with myself. If there is anything I pride myself on, it's being professional, and in this case I failed. Big time.

To any players, fans, or coaches who saw that post and thought "Yep, this guy was definitely biased", let me promise you that I was not biased in any way against your team. I have literally never seen Greenbrier before in any sport in any year, there is no connection there. And honestly, I was curious to see if y'all could get that fourth goal. I went to a school that had no mental fortitude. If we ever got down by 2 goals, we absolutely quit, which was frustrating to me as a goalkeeper because that meant I had to pick the ball out of the net 5 or 6 times in a game. So to see y'all come back from 4-0 down at half to 4-3 so quickly was exciting for me to see. I was thrilled to be out there and be part of that game and did everything I could to keep things fair to both teams to see what happened. Yall might not think this of us referees, but we genuinely enjoy working those games because we truly have the best seats in the house.

I apologize for labeling a few of the Huntsville players as hot heads, and to those players specifically: I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to do that. Games are emotional things. I played high school soccer too and you know what? I would have said the same thing about myself. Had I been refereeing my own games, I would have given myself cautions for dissent on multiple occasions. But of course, outside of games, I was probably the most calm, cool headed person on that team. It was not fair to label anyone based on that one game, especially because I had seen yall once before. (Kind of a "in my defense thing", I made sure to mention that I enjoy your coach (he is a such a nice guy, reminds me of my coach in HS) and your team as a whole. I really did enjoy the trips I made out to Huntsville.)

To the player who I thought swore at me (not going to list number, I'm just going to hope he knows who he is): If you didn't swear at me, I'm sorry for saying that you did. I couldn't believe that was what I heard, but I couldn't figure out what else it was supposed to be if that was not what was said. And even if you did, I still want to say sorry. I should not have posted that online. I should have just left it there at the field. It wasn't right of me to put here. It was in the heat of the moment and, again, going back to my playing days, I know I thought some stupid things about referees who I now consider mentors and great friends.

I know the assignor and know that he is a smart guy, so I don't expect to be working any games for yall again this season. It might even be a few years before I get to your fields again. And I might not get any more assignments from him for a little while. I accept that because, at the end of the day, I made a mistake that will only cause the players and fans to have negative feelings before the games start. And that assignor in particular holds his officials to a higher standard, and I failed to meet that standard when I violated the code of ethics in making that post.

However, if the day ever comes where I get the assignment out there again, I promise that I will be giving that game my best effort with no bias like I do in every game I get. The whole reason I became a referee was to serve the game, and the post I made did the opposite of that.

I'm a young guy who made a dumb, dumb mistake. I'm sorry for making that post. It wouldn't surprise me if anyone doubts my motives for this post apologizing, but I promise that this is 100% sincere. Like I say, if anyone wants to talk about it more with me, just hit the "Send email" or "Send private message" button. This is my mistake and I want to do everything I can to fix it.

Good luck to the Huntsville teams for the rest of this season. I'm not going to say "I'll be rooting for you" because, as an official, that would be another mistake in a public forum and I'm doing my best to try to fix the past one still! But I hope your season goes well and that, in time, you'll just be able to say "Yeah, that dude made a dumb post." I know it's not going to be an immediate thing though. But truly, I harbor no bad feelings toward any player, fan, or coach on that team, and I feel bad that I was an idiot kid who let my emotions get the best of me. No one is perfect, and I showed myself that, even at 24, I still have some maturing to do.

[MDXPHD]

Great post and apology.  You might consider making an entire new thread that is strictly for your apology so that the Huntsville players and whoever else needs to see it can find it easily.  Way to man up and take credit for any mistakes that you made.  Classy post. 

[chaoslord]

That's a good idea. I know mods can move posts, so if a mod sees this if they could make a thread called "Apology to Huntsville" or something like that and move it there, cool. If not, I'll do that tonight. Got to go catch my flight back to Arkansas now. Yay humidity! 

[Go Postal]

Great apology and post.  But from one of the local teams that have played Huntsville and Greenbrier in the past in ALL sports, Yes, there is some things that are said on the pitch/field/court/diamond that maybe shouldn't be said.  Not just the two teams mentioned but for any team.  But to say it to an official in any sport, that should be up to the coach to speak up, not the player if it wasn't a good call for their team.  Officials have a hard job to see everything that is happening, sometimes good calls, sometimes bad calls. I know that you guys try to do your best.  Fans for any given teams are the worst at blaming the Refs and I have been one of those also in ALL sports.  But now that I have no kid playing for a few years, but still go to the Goblin's games in ALL sports, it has been interesting. I try to sit as a bystander, wanting my town's team to win, but also appreciating whatever the play that the other team does.  Makes for some good sports.  One of the worst things, that I have seen in soccer is when a player puts up both of his hands to the Ref with WTH, I say, get off your @$$ and play on.  This is high school, not the Cup.  Play on.

Does Officials sometimes make mistakes?  Yes.

Does Huntsville, Greenbrier, Harrison and any team in the State sometimes say something that maybe they shouldn't?  Yes.

Does the fans from either team say a lot during the game and after about the Officiating?  Yes.

Being an Official must be hard.  Trying to not be bias in any game. plus you only not have to contend with the two opposing teams, but also two opposing teams fan bases.

chaoslord, Keep up the great work on the pitch on what you see, might not be what everyone wants, but is what you see.  If not for Officiating, then it would be "street ball", not the fabulous Arkansas sports that we have.

(side note:  Does Huntsville, Greenbrier get a little mouthy in any sport?  The same way as some other teams in ALL sports?  Yes, sometimes more that normal. But let the coach argue with the official on a call.  Athletes, play on!)

[KCShinn21]

I certainly appreciate the apology and want you to know that as the head coach, I was not disappointed in the manner in which you and your crew handled the game. Doesn't mean I agree with every call you made but to be honest, I didn't agree with every call I made either. The nature of sports. Regardless of what my young man said to you following the game, he had no business saying anything and I believe I have been able to communicate this point to him and others in a clear manner. Our boy's team does play with a great deal of passion and as such it is often tough for some young men to learn how to differentiate between what is acceptable and what is over the line. That is why we as coaches and officials have to maintain our own composure even when they have lost their own. We are their role models.

When I become the perfect coach, I will expect the rest of you to live to a higher standard. Until then, I think we just have to assume we are each doing our best and accept that mistakes are part of the game.

The main issue, which I believe you have addressed well, is that as a coach I should not be on a public forum criticizing officials or other coaches/or players. It detracts from the game. For an official to do it has the added impact of allowing others to question their neutrality and will also detract from the sport we love.

You are welcome to officiate in Huntsville anytime and I do appreciate your apology.